Am I just that bad...

of a person? Or am I just a really shitty friend. I guess I've never had any actual good friend, I mean I have lots of "hey, I kinda know you" friends but I'm just not worth anything more. Any friends I deem as close either end up being bitches or never talk to me except when they have to, like when I'm sitting by them...Why is that? I wish I knew...I mean like...take dani. If I'm not with you I probably won't even get to meet Lee. And if I do get to meet her we surely won't hang out without you. I don't really even have any friends. Any at all...eric and dani are the closest I have to friends and I don't even talk to them outside of school. When you leave, other than school, I'll never talk to anyone...ever. I don't talk to people online cause I can't and no one texts me, even though I actually can. So what does that leave me as? Nothing...not a friend, I'm barely a person. I'm only good for when someone needs me and not the other way around. Everyone thinks I'm that worthless? Well fuck that. Just because I'm nice doesn't mean people have to fuck me over on everything, so if you bother reading this. This is why I don't wanna hang out, I may be one of your first thoughts but I'm no one else's. No where. Not at home, or even in choir, I have no friends but eric, kind of dylan but that doesn't count. Everyone else either doesn't want to know me or hates me. Great, and the only time in the past I've been thought of was when at last minute I'm needed. Well aren't I so special...I'm just worth so much. Sheesh...what a loser I can be, and here I'm wallowing about my lack of friends and people who care, even more loser-ish. Thanks for listening...maybe

Tonight...

I cried tonight because.... I suppose if I was ever asked  or needed to cry on the spot I could think of lots of things but there is only one that would instantly produce a tear. It would have to be just the thought of what I, and my life would be like without you. What everything would be like if I hadn't ever met you. Makes me watery eyed, even now. I just can't help but be saddened by the thought of my life without you in it... those silly things you do that keep me smiling, you make me happy in every way. You make my days wonderful and every thought of you cheers me. Thank You for meeting me, and for loving me.

Quark....

I have major food issues. There are some foods that I really like and some that I hate. BUT... there is also another quark with food that I wrestle with. I Love Good tasting food, and when I crave a food strong enough, I'll just get it or make it or whatever. but what happens if I can't....I hate that food. After one of my moments where I crave a food super strongly and don't get it, I won't eat, make, or want that food again for at least a week or so. Another issue I have with food is that I have a serious emotional connection with food, like not healthy obsession almost. Another ample reason why I should be either crazy or obese. When I have these super strong cravings and I don't get what I want before my craving changes then I will end up wanting or actually crying. Usually I just feel like shit and want to cry, but in cases where I am tired or stressed I actually will. Yes I know that I am slightly disturbing, this is not natural, and I know it can't be healthy. But hey, what can you do. And just to let you know, this probably is caused by my past...........hobbies, because it only really started after I found new...............hobbies. Anyway, just thought I'd let you in on that, Quark.

Getting Warmer

But sorry love not what your looking for. almost there though. <3