I was...

worried, and sad, and withdrawn. I didn't want to be in love with him. I really didn't want to think about a future with he and I still together. I didn't want to picture us married with children, still deep in love and I didn't want to admit that I may want it to end just like that. He told me he wants to see us together, that he hopes and prays that we can still be together in 10 years, and many more after that. And when he says these things, every fiber in my body wants to cry. To let tears flow down my cheeks and show him how much I really do care, but I couldn't. I couldn't squeeze a drop out of my eyes as he sits there crying and breathing hard, my eyes remain dry. And it shocked me and shook me to the core, it shook any of the trust I had had in my love towards him. And as I sat there still shaken only seconds after we had gotten off the phone I was pouring tears. I was shaking and crying and I could barely breath. And all my thoughts drifted away to leave only one that screamed through my head, "You love him." And I knew right then that I couldn't love him more if I tried, that I would give up anything to be with him. So I'm still worried about the fact that I couldn't let myself with, near, or to him. I really want to show him my emotions and I really want to show him when I'm hurt or sad or angry. I just have to hope that I can get over my fears and open up to him. I love him too much to let anything get in between our happiness.